


One Piece PETs: Horoscopes

by moonlitinuyasha1985



Series: One Piece PETs [70]
Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, Horoscopes, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:58:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2387495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitinuyasha1985/pseuds/moonlitinuyasha1985
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Everyone has a little fun with their horoscopes. Takes place post-timeskip.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Piece PETs: Horoscopes

**One Piece PETs: Horoscopes**

 

(I do not, nor will I EVER, own One Piece. This unusual series belongs to the peculiar Eiichiro Oda.)

 

 

   'Twas another normal day for the Straw Hat Pirates...and by normal, we mean "outrageously wacky", as usual. At the moment, they are currently reading their horoscopes. Luffy went first, as usual.

 

"It says that for people whose sign is Taurus, your love life will take a change for the better. Cool!"

 

"Tch!" Zoro scoffed. "What a bunch of horse shit."

 

Robin smacked him in the arm upon hearing that.

 

"Ow!!!" Zoro cried.

 

"Be nice!" she scolded.

 

Zoro grumbled.

 

"Mine's next!" Nami chirped.

 

"For Cancer, it says 'You will be rewarded for good deeds'."

 

Hearing this, Nami squealed excitedly.

 

"Here's one for Aries," Usopp spoke up. "your lies will get you killed, one day."

 

The sniper frowned.

 

"Well, that's kinda dark." he muttered.

 

"Sounds fitting to me." Zoro smirked.

 

"Kiss my hairy ass, Zoro." retorted Usopp.

 

"My turn, my turn!" Chopper exclaimed.

 

Usopp handed Chopper his horoscope.

 

"Uh...ooh! Here's Capricorn!" Chopper chirped. "It says here that I will have a very eventful day."

 

"Ooh, that sounds interesting!" Nami added.

 

"Blizzard, wanna see what yours says?" Chopper asked.

 

" _The one for Leo says, 'Be careful where you tread',_ " Blizzard answered. " _Ooh...that does not sound good._ "

 

"Dang." muttered Chopper.

 

"Yeah..." agreed Luffy.

 

"Mine's next!" exclaimed Franky. "Let's see here...for Pisces, it says 'Your hard work will pay off'. SUPER~!!!"

 

"Let's see what mine says!" Brook chimed in. "For Aries who are not liars, and are considered perverts, your lecherous ways will cost you dearly."

 

Brook frowned.

 

"That's a bit of a downer." he murmured.

 

"My turn," Sanji said. "For Pisces who are chefs, 'It's nice if you take a break once in a while. Don't work too hard.'"

 

He smiled a little.

 

"How true." he muttered to himself.

 

"My turn now," Robin spoke up as she looked at the horoscope. "For Aquarius, 'Luck is on your side this week'."

 

Robin blinked.

 

"Huh," she muttered. "How interesting."

 

"Zoro, don't you wanna see what yours says?" Luffy asked.

 

"No." Zoro answered. "I don't believe in all that!"

 

"It says here that for Scorpios," Sanji began. "'you will have a rather fruitless day and many unfortunate predicaments will befall you'. Yikes!"

 

"Bah!" scoffed the Tiger Man. "I don't believe in that shit!"

 

"Don't mock the horoscope Zoro," Luffy warned in an eerie tone. "the consequences could be dire!"

 

"Oh, shut up, Luffy," Zoro muttered as he got up. "Those things are nothing but scams! I mean, what could happen?!"

 

*****Later that day*****

 

Luffy is sitting on the railing, eating a hero sandwich.

 

"Mmm...so good!" he spoke up...before a spot of mustard spilled from his sandwich and got on his pants. "Dang."

 

He then stretched his head and licked the mustard. Suddenly, he heard a loud clang, followed by a loud scream of pain.

 

" **DAMMIT TO FUCKING HELL!!!** "

 

"Eh?" Luffy muttered. "That sounds like Zoro."

 

*****Up in the Crow's Nest*****

 

Zoro seethed in pain as he held his foot.

 

"How the hell did that happen!?" he asked. "I was just trying to lift weights, and all of a sudden, it drops on me!"

 

Soon, Chopper entered the Crow's Nest through the trap door.

 

"Zoro, what happened?!" he asked.

 

"I dropped a dumbbell on my foot!" Zoro shouted.

 

"Let me see." said Chopper as he walked over to examine the swordsman's foot.

 

It was swollen and throbbing.

 

"Ooh, this is bad," he spoke up. "I'll get some ice."

 

Chopper left to get ice for Zoro's foot. Not long after he left, Luffy came in.

 

"Well, well." he spoke up.

 

"Don't even start, Monkey." Zoro growled.

 

"This is what happens when you mock the horoscope," Luffy told him. "now, you must suffer the consequences."

 

"Shut up, Luffy!!" Zoro snapped.

 

"Ah!" Luffy yelped.

 

Soon, Chopper returned with a bag full of ice.

 

"Here." he spoke up, handing the ice to Zoro.

 

"Thanks," Zoro replied as he put the ice on his foot. "Ahh."

 

"That looks like it hurts." Luffy spoke up.

 

"That's because it _does_ , Luffy." Zoro replied. "You try dropping a 20-pound dumbbell on your foot!"

 

"Why would I do that?" Luffy asked, blinking.

 

Zoro face-pawed.

 

"Shoot me...!" he grumbled.

 

*****A little later*****

 

Zoro is sleeping on the sofa, his foot in a bucket of ice. The snoozing Tiger Man was having a good dream...until, it happened.

 

***BAM!!***

 

A soccer ball went sailing through the window and hit Zoro right in the schnozz!

 

" **AGH!! DAMMIT!!!** " Zoro cried.

 

"See, Luffy?!" Usopp questioned from outside. "I told you that you kicked the ball too hard!!"

 

"Dang, I hope it didn't hit anybody." Luffy muttered.

 

" **YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, LUFFY!!!** " Zoro roared as he jumped down and landed on Luffy, who he proceeded mauling.

 

" **NO, ZORO!! STOP!!!** " Usopp cried.

 

" **AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!** " Luffy screamed in pain. " **NAMI!!! NAMI, HELP ME, PLEASE~!!!! ZORO'S KILLING ME~!!!!** "

 

" **GET OFF OF HIM, YA CRAZY TIGER!!!** " Nami shouted, running to Luffy's rescue.

 

She grabbed Zoro's tail and then... ***CHOMP!!!***

 

" **YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!** " Zoro yowled.

 

"What's going on?!" Robin questioned, coming outside to see what is happening.

 

She gasped upon seeing Luffy, comically beaten on the deck while Nami had Zoro's tail between her teeth.

 

"Robin..." Luffy called out as he weakly raised his paw. "Help...!"

 

"Oh, good heavens!!" Robin cried. "Zoro, what did you do to the poor thing?!!"

 

"He kicked a soccer ball at my face!" Zoro argued.

 

"I didn't mean it!!" Luffy cried. "Zoro, I'm sorry!"

 

Zoro scoffed at this before he snatched his tail out of Nami's teeth. However...Nami ended up pulling some fur off!

 

" **AAAHH!!!** " the Tiger Man yelped.

 

Nami spat out the fur in disgust.

 

"Blegh!" she cried. "Yuck! When was the last time you bathed?!"

 

"Oh, screw you, Nami!" snapped Zoro. "And for your information, I bathed yesterday!"

 

"Well, use better soap!" Nami argued. "Your fur tastes like something died!"

 

"How would you even know what rotting fur tastes like?!" Zoro questioned.

 

" **ENOUGH!!!** " shouted Robin.

 

Nami and Zoro quickly shut up.

 

"Could somebody please get Chopper...?" Luffy asked.

 

"I'll get him, Luffy." Usopp answered.

 

The sniper left to go and retrieve the doctor.

 

"Ugh...I am in so much pain...!"

 

"It's okay, Luffy!" Chopper spoke up.

 

He promptly went to work on treating Luffy.

 

*****Later*****

 

Luffy is seen sitting in a wheelchair, covered in bandages, his left arm and right leg in a cast, his neck in a brace, and a patch over his eye.

 

"I hate Zoro." he muttered.

 

"I know, Luffy," responded Nami, gently stroking his hair. "I hate him, too."

 

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Robin asked.

 

"Just get me a bowl of ice cream," Luffy answered. "Not too much. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, can you feed it to me, Nami?"

 

"Of course, Gummy Monkey!" Nami answered, giving him an eskimo kiss. "Anything you want!"

 

"Thank you." he replied.

 

Nami smiled before she went to get the ice cream, but then she stopped.

 

"What flavor do you want?" she asked.

 

"Oh, right!" Luffy answered. "Uh...Neapolitan would be nice."

 

"Coming right up!" she beamed, heading for the kitchen.

 

Luffy smiled at this.

 

"What else would you like?" asked Robin.

 

"Some water?" Luffy asked. "I'm kinda thirsty."

 

"Of course." Robin complied, walking over to the kitchen.

 

Luffy smiled, in spite of his pain. The ladies returned with a bowl of Neapolitan ice cream and a glass of water.

 

"Here you go, Gummy Monkey," Nami spoke up as she took a spoonful of ice cream. "Here comes the train~! Choo-choo~!"

 

Luffy opened his mouth and let Nami feed him the ice cream.

 

"Thank you, Nami."

 

"Anytime."

 

"Here," Robin said, offering the water. "I even put a little straw in for you."

 

"Thanks, Robin."

 

"You're welcome."

 

   Luffy took a sip of the water before sighing contentedly. Where was Zoro in all of this? Currently up in the Crow's Nest, brooding. His tail twitched this way and that while he seethed grumpily to himself.

 

"What's their problem?" he asked. "It was Luffy's fault! Idiot shouldn't have kicked that soccer ball in my face!"

 

He continued grumbling.

 

*****With Franky*****

 

"Okay," Franky spoke up. "everything seems good."

 

He had just put the finishing touches on a new vehicle: the _Elephant Bus VI_.

 

"Luffy's gonna flip his lid when he sees this."

 

   The _Elephant Bus VI_ is a large six-wheel van with light blue paint job designed to look like an elephant. It even had a trunk in the front. Franky smiled at his work.

 

"Can't wait to try out this baby!" he exclaimed.

 

"Hey, Franky!"

 

Franky looked back to see Usopp.

 

"What's up, Usopp?"

 

"Nothing," Usopp answered. "Just wanted to see what you were up to."

 

The sniper's jaw dropped at the sight of the _Elephant Bus VI_.

 

"Sweet...merciful...heaven...!" he whispered.

 

"You like?" Franky asked. "I call it the _Elephant Bus VI_!!!"

 

"WOW!!!" Usopp cheered. "IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!!"

 

"Thanks!" replied Franky.

 

"Do the others know?!" Usopp asked.

 

"Nope," Franky answered. "I'm planning to make it a surprise for tomorrow."

 

"Right," Usopp nodded. "Gotcha."

 

With that, the sniper left.

 

*****Back with Zoro*****

 

"Damn stupid Luffy," Zoro grumbled. "always gotta get under my skin."

 

At that moment, Robin had entered.

 

"Are you still grumbling?" she asked.

 

Zoro rolled his eye in response. Robin sighed.

 

"Zoro," she began, "Luffy didn't mean to hit you with his soccer ball."

 

"I don't care." Zoro muttered.

 

"What do you mean you don't care?!" Robin questioned. "You're impossible!!"

 

" _I'M_ IMPOSSIBLE!?" Zoro questioned.

 

"YES, YOU ARE!!!" Robin answered.

 

"LISTEN, YOU!! IF ANYONE'S POSSIBLE, LUFFY'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!"

 

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!"

 

"THIS IS LUFFY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ANY SENSE!!!"

 

Robin growled before she turned and walked out.

 

"I can't talk to you when you're like this!" she shouted. "I'm going out!!"

 

Zoro scoffed as he sat back down.

 

"Whatever."

 

   Later on, Luffy is seen sleeping in bed. Nami has been by his side the whole time. Most of his wounds seemed to have healed, already...except for his broken arm and leg, of course.

 

"I still hate Zoro..." he mumbled in his sleep.

 

"I know, Luffy," Nami muttered in her sleep. "I still hate him, too."

 

*****With Blizzard*****

 

Blizzard is seen walking around the ship...but he looked rather cautious. Maybe a little scared, too.

 

" _Any minute now..._ " he muttered to himself. " _Something will happen...I just know it!!_ "

 

"Blizzard?"

 

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!_ " the wolf dog screamed.

 

He turned and saw Chopper.

 

" _Oh, it's you, Chopper._ " he sighed. " _What's up?_ "

 

"Just wanted to see how you were doing." Chopper answered.

 

" _Oh,_ " Blizzard said. " _I-I'm okay, little buddy, just...a little on-edge._ "

 

"Because of your horoscope?" Chopper asked.

 

" _Yeah._ " Blizzard answered.

 

"You shouldn't worry so much, Blizzard." the reindeer said. "Not many horoscopes are accurate."

 

" _Well...what about Zoro?!_ " Blizzard questioned. " _You saw what happened to him!_ "

 

"Yeah, but that's different." Chopper answered.

 

" _How is that different?!_ " Blizzard asked. " _He got a swollen foot, for crying out loud!_ "

 

"...Point taken."

 

" _Exactly._ "

 

"Though, maybe nothing terrible will happen to you."

 

" _Yeah, right._ "

 

"Well, what do you want me to say?!"

 

" _I...I dunno._ "

 

A pause. Then, Blizzard sighed.

 

" _Maybe I am being paranoid._ "

 

Chopper looked up at him.

 

" _Probably I've been through enough bad stuff,_ " Blizzard explained. " _That I kind of expect it._ "

 

"Blizzard," Chopper spoke up, concerned.

 

" _Yeah?_ " replied the wolf dog.

 

"...I'm sorry."

 

Blizzard pulled Chopper into a hug.

 

" _Don't worry about it._ "

 

Chopper smiled.

 

*****Back with Zoro*****

 

   The Tiger Man had simmered down, somewhat. He was still pretty pissed, though. Robin decided to come back up to try and snap him out of his funk.

 

"Zoro?" she called. "How are you feeling?"

 

"Still pissed off."

 

"I see," Robin spoke...before she smiled. "Well...maybe I know what'll make you feel better."

 

"And just what might that be?" Zoro asked.

 

Without warning...Robin kissed Zoro on the lips. The swordsman was completely caught off guard.

 

"MMPH?!" Zoro cried...before moaning in her mouth.

 

   Robin smiled as she continued to kiss Zoro...and began to strip herself of her clothes as she did. Zoro's paws roamed every inch of her body, causing Robin to moan. Soon, Zoro began to strip, too. The two continued to make out for quite a while.

 

"Zoro...I want you inside me."

 

Zoro grinned.

 

"You got it," he spoke. "and by the time I'm done, you'll have lost your fucking mind."

 

"I believe that..." Robin replied.

 

"Hang on a minute," Zoro told her before he got up and went to get a condom.

 

   Robin looked back, watching Zoro. Zoro reached into a secret compartment, located beneath the sofa...and pulled out a condom. He walked back over to Robin, took the condom out of the packet, and placed it over his schlong.

 

"Shall we?" he asked.

 

"Yes, Tiger." she answered.

 

Zoro smirked...before he penetrated Robin.

 

"Ah...!" she cried.

 

Next, Zoro made moderate thrusts for about an hour, until he changed his pace and began to ram into Robin's womanhood.

 

"Ah...! Ahh!! AAAH!!"

 

"Yeah, that's it, baby...lemme hear you scream!"

 

" **ZORO~!!!** "

 

Zoro smirked at this.

 

"That's more like it." he spoke up.

 

Then, he started going faster.

 

"How's this?"

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH~!!!!"

 

"Huh," muttered Zoro. "you're really into it."

 

"Yes...!" Robin answered with tears of pleasure spilling from her eyes.

 

Zoro made a toothy smirk.

 

"That's good." he told her.

 

"Zoro...don't stop...! Don't EVER stop!!"

 

"Wasn't gonna, babe."

 

Before long...they had both climaxed. Robin fell back on the floor, panting and gasping.

 

"Dear god...!" she panted. "Zoro...that was incredible..."

 

Zoro smirked.

 

"Glad you liked it." he replied.

 

"I loved it." Robin chuckled, kissing the Tiger Man.

 

Zoro smiled.

 

"Thanks Robin." he told her.

 

"You're welcome, Tora-kun." she responded.

 

Soon, she fell asleep on Zoro's chest. Zoro smiled as he followed suit.

 

*****With Sanji*****

 

   Sanji is in the kitchen, smoking his cigarette. Only, he seemed calm. Why? It could be due to the horoscope that he read today. He calmly took a drag of his cigarette and let out a puff of smoke. He smiled.

 

"Ah...can't remember the last time I felt this way. Other than when I called Vivi."

 

Next, he looked at his horoscope.

 

"That horoscope sure knows how to make a guy feel good," he added. "I wonder what tomorrow's will be like."

**Author's Note:**

> I think this idea came to me that one time I was reading my "What Your Birthday Reveals About You" book or when I saw that one funny episode of Gintama where Kondo-san got a really terrible horoscope that he was going to die.
> 
>  
> 
> Either way, this story came to be.:|
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy. ^^


End file.
